This Idiot I Work With

This idiot I work with should've retired years ago to begin with, but that's beside the point. He can't seem to figure out how to Tweet over on Twitter. Username, password, and there you go. It's not difficult. He drives a car, which is more difficult that saying "Hey, for more information on XXXXXXXXX go to XXXXXXXXX.com." For the record, I'm bitching about this because our company is web based and we're in the technology industry and this guy's job is in marketing. And yea, he makes more than me and it pisses me off.

This idiot I work with is like a friggin UFC baromter. Everytime one is coming up, he devolves into a lesser form of human for a week. He talks to anyone who will listen about the fights (whether or not they're interested) and what he'd do if he was fighting and whatever. I watch the stuff with my boyfriend sometimes, but there's no way that it's a sign of sane mental health to be running around the office like he does oooh-ing and aaah-ing about guys fighting.

This idiot I work with can't shut up at the end of a meeting. Look, it's Thanksgiving week, we have a shit ton of stuff to do and you know the point in a meeting when everything needed to be discussed has been covered? This waste can't take the hint that it's over and brings up the EXACT SAME shit we just covered so it looks like he contributed.

This idiot I work with doesn't "believe" in Thanksgiving. Do I really need to add anything else?

This idiot I work with has it in his head that if he quotes Family Guy in lieu of possessing an actual personality that it's the stuff of interesting conversation. In fact, the more he quotes his favorite lines, the more it ruins my experience of watching the show because I can't get it out of head of thinking of how he'll ruin it the next morning.

This idiot I work with thinks he's real hot shit by having his car detailed in the parking lot every week. Now it's a Porsche, and that's cool, whatever. Upon closer inspection though - the thing's an automatic. An automatic Porsche!!! LOL at this poser dipshit douchebag!

This idiot I work with literally will stand in front of the mirror checking himself out - arms, chest, everything until someone notices. He tells people that he's into photography. Someone asks him what kind of camera he has and he says, "No. I like having pictures taken of me." He's trying to be an actor in LA. Shocking.

This idiot I work with will not allow her 9 year old daughter to dress up
for Halloween, watch American Idol, watch regular sit-coms which are
age appropriate, but on Wednesday night allows her to stay up and
watch "Dog the Bounty Hunter" until 10:00pm because of its "social
redeeming value" and then all of us in the medical lab have to hear about
it the next day.

ALL FRIGGING 2 HOURS OF IT!!!

This idiot I work with has OCD so bad that it gets in the way of us getting anything done sometimes. What we (mainly me) like to do is get to work early in the morning and rearrange the items in the kitchen so that when he gets to work he spends fifteen minutes each morning putting things back in place. When he goes to lunch, we (I) do it all over again.

This idiot I work with has it stuck in his head that it's somehow appropriate to substitute cheap cologne for deodorant. Did I mention he's a fat guy? He is. I have no proof but I suspect that he also substitutes wiping off with a paper towel for taking a shower. Think of a warthog running around a steaming pile of turd while locked in a sauna and that's just about the funk this man spews from his pores. He has singlehandedly made me hate the summer. Can you guess why?